Now with Extra Swerve

The Man Crush

2008-05-27T11:30:00.003-06:00

It was a day like any other back in March of 2005. I was happily employed at Infotrax and life was good to me. During this time of peace there was a song that was on the radio by Tim McGraw and Nelly titled Over and Over Again. Natasha, and many other women have always thought that Tim McGraw was a good looking man. Personally, I never really understood why. And then I saw the music video and my innocence faded, and I could no longer disagree with the women of the world. In that video I could see how women thought he was attractive... and maybe even a smoking hot 180 pounds of man meat with a goatee and a hat.
I made this comment to Natasha and she was happy that I finally saw the light. Some advice that I would give to the men of the world is to only share your man crushes with your wives. Never, and I mean never, share them with your co-workers. This was the beginning of the end for me.
I suffer from a disease called speakyourmindbeforethinking-itis. When I arrive at work the next day I happen to share my current revelation on my thoughts of Tim McGraw with Steve, Jennica and one other person. I should have thought of the consequence, but I didn't care. Where it went from bad to worse was how I worded my new found man crush with my friends. I believe the exact words were, "Guys, I just saw the new Tim McGraw video, and he is hot." And then there was laughter.
I then went to get a drink of water. I didn't go to the bathroom, I didn't go on a lunch break, I only got water. When I cane back to my desk my framed picture of Natasha had been replaced by a picture of Tim Mcgraw. I have to admit that that was one of the funniest moments ever.
The question is why can women say to one another how pretty another girl is, or how much they like their clothes or make-up. But us as men can’t do the same. For some reason it just sounds wrong. Here are two examples:

Scenario 1
BYU stadium:
Natasha: Hey Mckenna, I love that girl’s hat it is so cute. I wish I had it.
Mckenna: Oh, I know her, she is really pretty and nice, she has been in shape since high school.
(They share a laugh and then go back to talking about make-up)

Scenario 2.
BYU stadium:
Steve: Hey James, look at that guy coming up the stairs. He has really nailed coordinating his belt to his shoes.
James: I bet all the girls love him. He is really good looking. And I can tell that he works out. He looks so strong.
(We share a laugh then go back to looking through our binoculars)

I guess as men we must keep our inner thoughts to ourselves as to other males. And we must never have a moment of weakness when we open our souls to our co-workers about a new found admiration for one hot aging man of country... sigh ...

Awesomely Bad Movies: 1984 Dune = Disaster

2008-04-24T13:37:00.005-06:00

This time I’m going to talk about another movie that I still love to this day. I used to watch the movie over and over for the battle scenes. During my Senior year in high school, We read the book for English and although I knew the movie wasn’t the best quality movie ever I came to realize how terrible it really was. The movie I’m talking about is Dune, and a lot of sci-fi fans like it....hey, I’m one of you, but you have to admit that this movie is disaster, and by disaster, I mean that Carter has made a better script come of out his diaper. Without reading the book, you can probably get through the movie and say “Well, I think I know what that movie was about, but it’s freaking 4 hours and I’m not watching it again.” That is unless you’re a sci-fi geek. If you read the book then you sit there and say “Did I just waste 4 hours of my life on this piece of crap? I want those hours back…..thank you Dune for taking those hours away from me forever.” This was truly a book that didn’t translate well onto the screen at least in this version.

Normally when a book is adapted into movie form, they take things out and then fill in the plot so that you can get a movie that seems to flow through like it was never a book and if you’ve read the book you’re thinking…that was good, but I thought they would show this or I thought this was better in the book/movie. Case in point for missing things completely in the books…..the Harry Potter movies are pretty true to the books, but you can’t have everything in a 700 page book be put into a 2 ½ hour movie, which is why you’ll wonder why they don’t show more quidditch or it seems like Ron and Hermoine’s parts are getting smaller, even though in the books their more vital than ever.

The problem with Dune is that even in a 4 hour movie you could still never fit everything into it….and that’s understandable Frank Herbert’s book is an fully grown sci-fi book, with a lot of subplots, it’s what makes the book one of the best sci-fi books ever written, and why Herbert’s influence along with a few others have really founded our modern Sci-Fi/Fantasy Genre of books. Where you get into trouble is that original movie of Dune just adds a subplot that was in the book without the explanation. It’s like the writer’s are saying…oh wait the audience isn’t going to understand this point in the end if we don’t add a character, but rather than spend the time to develop the character so that you take the information as being important they just plop someone in the movie for 30 seconds and then they leave. Do the characters: Duncan, Liet Kynne, The Emperor, or any of the spacing guild play the roles in the movie like they do in the book. What about some key subplots like: Why do the Harkkonen’s hate the Atreides? Why is the Emperor so concerned that spice production on Arakkis is having problems? What are Sadukar troops and why would that be a big thing if the Emperor is sending them? Then the space guild…..ummm….wtf….they kind of show up in the movie sound like idiots, look like idiots, and then they leave. These guys are more powerful than the emperor…..they’re the ones that run the show….without them the whole empire doesn’t work.

This post is already longer than I wanted so next time I’m going to continue my Dune rant and post some things about the movie that just don’t make sense or in some cases I’ll explain things that I’ve mentioned in this post…because unlike the writers of the screen-play….I’m all about clarity and explanation for this post at least.

Can I get a side salad with my Caesar Salad?

2008-04-21T16:58:00.000-06:00

I’ve been doing a diet for nearly 6 weeks now. I only committed to do it for a month, but it’s working so I’m going to keep doing it until I stop losing weight on it. So far it’s been 42 lbs.

Some diet’s are weird to me, I know that I need to eat better and that my habits need to change, but I would much rather just kick my butt in the gym and then consciously try to make better food choices, rather than completely shut off every food I love. That is the way I have typically been able to lose weight and be happy by having a free day or meal, but that is also the same philosophy that got me to the way I am/was. So far on this diet, I’ve only worked out once and I’m on my way down in weight. The diet….Medifast, which is kind of like Nutri-System in that they send you meals that you eat throughout the day, however on Medifast you get to eat a Lean and Green meal every day. Sometimes when I’m feeling really hungry on the diet I’ll have two Lean and Green meals a day.

At first this Diet was pretty hard and now it’s just normal and some days really easy. Others….I have the number for a Pizza delivery ready and I’m just waiting for Kenna to want to cheat with me. I can tell you it’s weird shifting from working out weight control to just losing weight from a structured diet (I know you should ideally do both, but the time I went and worked out on this diet was the least satisfying workout I’ve ever had in my life….I think it’s a calorie thing and the fact that I’m now eating probably 1/3 of the normal calories I use to eat), I’ve been a gym rat before in my life…I put on 30-40 lbs of weight from the beginning of my Junior year in High School to the end of my Senior year, and for the most part that was solid muscle. I used to subscribe to bodybuilding magazines and although I was never hardcore into getting muscles to stick out in weird places….I enjoyed working my body out to the brink of exhaustion and then seeing it recover and come back stronger. It was a game of making my mind stronger than my muscles and pain. The only thing is that this is really working now and in 25 lbs….I’ll be at the weight I was when I graduated High School. Holy Crap!!! That was 12 years ago. My Goal weight would be a weight that hasn’t graced my body since I was 15 years old….and I’m pretty sure I’ll wear it better now than I did back then. Not that I was a fat kid but I was always “Broad Shouldered” or “Husky” which are just gentle ways of telling a fat guy he’s big/fat without making it seem rude.

Hopefully in 4-6 months I’ll post a before and after picture with results that will be something like the biggest loser winners. We’ll see, for right now, I’m just drinking a lot of Diet Drinks to get my sweetness fixes, and I order side salads at restaurants with my Salad. Why do you ask? Because when the others around me order their appetizers, I have something to eat that won’t really be cheating and I’m not tempted. Will I be able to continue eating like this? I’m not sure, but the older my son becomes I realize that I don’t want to leave him when he’s only 24 years old, newly married and filled with questions about life, fatherhood, and being a husband like my dad left me. In order to do that I’ve got to stop the same habits I learned from my dad.

Carter Moment of the Post:
Carter has decided that the dog is his new best friend. The only problem is that he likes to play ‘konk’ with the dog. If our dog were a larger size this might be okay, but on a Chihuahua it’s a big deal. For those of you not in the know on the game ‘konk’….it’s basically a game where your son (maybe little girls do it too, but I’ve only heard of boys doing it) will head butt you over and over and over. Sounds fun huh? It works because he’s hitting you with thick part of the top of his head so he’s not really hurting himself, however the game of ‘konk’ when you’re not watching can be devastating. I have a sister that broke her nose when her 18 month son decided it was time to play and she wasn’t ready. The key to the game is to get them to say ‘konk’ when they are going to do it so that you have a warning. Well Dino is often times not ready and Carter is pretty good at trapping our dog to either ‘konk’ him or to squeeze the life out of him with one of his other new things….hugging. We love that one……Dino at 6 lbs….not so much.

The Church of Steve Cont'd...

2008-04-07T21:43:00.003-06:00

So on previous posts, I've talked about Tomatoes, Dried Fruit, and then Pickles. Now it's time to talk about something that I kind of like the taste of, but I can't stand the texture. So without further ado:

That shalt not partake of Apricots / Peaches

This might also be the mushy fruit rule. To explain this better I going to take you back to when I was young. My parents had apricot trees, and I actually used to eat Dried Apricots a lot. What ruined it for me was seeing the nasty apricots that fell from the tree and became mush. Every time I eat something mushy, my brain goes back to nasty apricots on the ground, just sitting there rotting.

Although we didn't have Peach trees, they're really close to apricots and they tend to be really mushy. Again....I know this doesn't make sense, because I like other mushy fruits....like bananas. I don't know why one works and the others don't, but they only consistent fruits are apricots and peaches so they have to be banned by the CoS.

Carter moment of the day:
So Carter is trying to learn how to climb the stairs....but he's kind of lazy about it. It doesn't matter if he's fully awake or tired....he'll get halfway up the stairs and then he gets pissed. The funny thing is that he is excited and then he magically hits a step halfway up that turns all that excitement into rage at the fact that there are still stairs left up and down. I'm sure he'll make it up all the stairs eventually, but I've never seen him get so mad about something. He literally sneers at you, until you pick him up. It's funny to see him start to get some personality....hopefully this doesn't become a trend.

Awesomely Bad Movies

2008-03-31T22:13:00.005-06:00

So the other day, Kenna and I are sitting in bed watching TV and when I'm scrolling through the Guide I see Big Trouble In Little China. Having not seen this movie since my early teenage years I was curious to see if this movie was still as cool as I remembered it being.

Here's what I learned.....This movie sucks! I remember that I used to watch this movie over and over when I was younger. That was partly because it was one of the few movies that my Dad had taped from being on Alert up at the Air Force Base....so it was an unedited PG-13 movie, but mostly I loved all the fighting in it. I just can't believe that I even enjoyed it and one has to wonder, how a movie like this got made....cuz it's kind of serious in the way it tries to be a cool movie. I'm going to try and imagine the room of writers and producers that dreamt this up.

(Deep inside the secret rooms of 20th Century Fox)

"So People...we need to come up with something big here. What have we go so far?"
"Well, Karate Kid was a big success....maybe we could go with something that has Martial Arts."
"Ok, I like that idea, but we can't just rip it off, I mean the Karate Kid franchise is going to do that like 3 more times." (Side Note: On my 8th Birthday, my family and I waited for like 2 hours in line to see Karate Kid 2. The only thing I remember about that movie now.....It's the movie that broke up the band Chicago or so I thought...I just wikipedia'ed it and found out that the song Glory of Love didn't really cause the riff. Thank you Wikipedia.)
"What if we added some Monsters with the Karate?"
"Oooo, that's good....I bet we could get John Carpenter to direct this thing if we did that, who would we get to star in it?"
"I've got a friend who knows Kurt Russell?"
"Yes...Yes...Yes!!! But wait Kurt doesn't know Karate?"
"Well what if he doesn't have to....we could have him be let's say....a truck driver?"
"Ok, so what does a Truck driver have to do with Karate and Monsters?"
"Well he could be driving his truck through China Town."
"Genius!!! I like where this is going. So what's he drawn to when he gets to China town?"
"Someone hot of course"
"And that someone hot would be???"
"What about that hot girl from Porkys?"
"Kim Cattrall, She is pretty hot, and I don't think she's really doing anything good for the next couple of years until Mannequin. (Okay so they wouldn't know this or the fact that Karate Kid remade the same dumb plot 3 more times.....Hillary Swank....you're lucky you survived the Karate Kid 4 movie...that should have been a kiss of death on anyone's career. That goes for you too Elizabeth Shue. The Mannequin comment was just to give you a preview of another film we will talk about on Awesomely Bad Movies....In fact we could dialog a lot of Kim Cattrall Movies in this segment see next line for another example)
"She was just in Police Academy so right now she'd take anything."
"OK, Russell, Catrall, Monsters, and Karate. I think we've got enough to work with here, but let's throw something out there to chance....What do the bad guys want?"
"Let's play our own version of MASH for it. What are 4 powerful things, 4 body parts, 4 things that would make you wealthy and give me 4 girlfriends you'd like to have....ummm scratch that last part."
"Looks like the MASH decided it was eyes....that doesn't sound to good, so how can we make this better?"
"What if they were looking for a girl with Green eyes?"
"Wow you're asking for a lot there, I mean the casting agency going to have work overtime to find a girl on this planet with green eyes."
"That's why the bad guys would want it."
"Wait! Doesn't Cattrall have green eyes?"
"Yes, I think she does, but what if it's someone else they want and Cattrall gets dragged along with the plot."
"That's perfect, now for the Title......What about Trouble in Little Chinatown?"
"Don't we want this movie to be huge blockbuster?"
"Yes, so what would you change?"
"Well let's imply that it's a Huge Trouble or maybe Big Trouble."
"Yes, I like that better and I think Big works better than Huge."
"Great, we'll start on the script."
"Excellent! This is going to be Huge....oh I mean Big. HAHAHAHA!!"
"Good one HAHAHAHA"

One has to wonder if this really isn't the way some movies get created. Anyway more to Awesomely Bad Movies to follow.

Carter moment of the day: Yesterday Kenna and I were cooking dinner and we'd set Carter down to roam around and play with toys. (He doesn't know how to climb the stairs yet, so we're pretty safe not keeping constant attention on him if our house is clean) So Carter starts giggling at something and we realize he's in the bathroom, and we wonder what he's getting into so I walk over and check. My son is standing in front of the toilet trying to climb over into the bowl. I'm thinking that since he loves baths (like, a lot) that he just wanted to climb in and have a nice soak. Needless to say we gave him a good scrubbing after that incident. Kids Rule!!

2008-03-31T21:37:00.004-06:00

So the work laptop finally arrived Yay!!! Well actually it arrived about 3 months ago, I just sucked and didn't post for a while. Hey I've been busy. I mean there were all those great reality TV shows with the writer's strike and stuff. Plus, I was playing a lot of Xbox Live...oh wait my account ended like 2 months ago. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just sucked, and I know it's Blog Taboo to say why you haven't blogged for a while, but I don't care.

Obviously, with all the time that's passed, things have happened in my life. Heck Carter is now almost a year old. That is weird to me that we've had him for that long. Life has definitely changed, for the better, but I'm not sure that I could have really expected the extent that it changed. Life has slowed down and yet it's crazy how fast things are going. It seems like we waited forever for firsts in Carter's life like crawling, his first words (first word was Dada.....YES!!!!), his personality coming out. The next big thing we're waiting on is walking.

Work has gotten better for me. I'm in a new position now where I get to work on projects in all sizes and varieties. It's pretty fun and I'm learning a lot.

So hopefully I'm going to get the opportunity to post more frequently...because I'm running out of excuses for not posting....and I know you're all dying for more Church of Steve and Bathroom etiquette.

I'm going to start a favorite Carter moment in my posts. I'll try to make it something funny, but it may end up being something that is just cute that I wanted to let everyone know about.

More posts to follow.....hopefully.

I love resolutions

2008-01-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

I thought it might be fum to make a logo with us in it. Tell me what you think. We can always update the pics, since you didn't even know what I was taking your picture for. But I thought it would be a cool idea.

Now to resolutions. I think it is healthy to have resolutions for each new year. Every year I have resolutions for different categories, such as; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, etc. So here is my physical list for 2008.

As always I want to loose weight. I think I can loose weight pretty easily but i always get discouraged when the weight doesn't come off as fast as I want it to. So this year I am gearing for a very slow but steady weight loss by using the following methods.
-Go to the gym for one hour, three times a week.
-I can eat sweets, but only one day in any given week. the other six are off limits.
-No drinking soda-pop in 2008. Although this one will be difficult I believe that it can be done. Steve told me the other day that he would join me on the soda-pop free 2008!
My ultimate goal is to weigh 200 pounds at the end of the year. I honestly believe that if I go to the gym 3 times a week, cut down on my sugar intake, and eliminate soda from my diet that loosing one pound a week is very achieveable.
Wish me luck, and good luck to everyone and their own resolutions.

T.V. diet results

2007-12-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Resisting the glow of electronic satisfaction and fulfillment was not easy. Diets in any form are difficult, but I am proud to say that I only had a few minor set backs. It is amazing what you can do with yourself when you free time from something that isn't necessary and replace it with something more meaningful.

I think the change that I noticed most was how quiet everything is when you aren't watching T.V. late into the night. Another positive thing is that I was able to read five books during the diet.

It is fulfilling when you can read one book after another. It makes me feel powerful when I finish a book. I feel like the Highlander, who, when cuts off his enemies head he absorbs all their power, wisdom and knowledge. They are as a walking librarian with infinite knowledge and a sword that can lop off heads.

So in true Highlander fashion, every time I finish a book I retreat to the Lindon Amphitheater at midnight. There, I remove the clothes that I was wearing when I finished the book, and I burn them with the book that I finished. Thus completing my transfer of knowledge.

A Guys Guide to Proper Public Bathroom Behavior Part II

2007-12-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

No Talking

Nothing is more irritating than a long conversation in the bathroom, plus there is something innately wrong with talking to someone while you are holding your private parts. (Can you say disgusting?) While carousing through your bathroom trip you may however say hello to someone, or you can give them the head wave, which is where two guys that don’t have to know each other can just nod their heads and salute each other to our dudeness. Anything beyond Hello or the initial acknowledgement of your presence is unacceptable. I don’t care if you are asked a question by the CEO of your company (if at work) or a famous person (hopefully it’s not a senator from Idaho), your goal is to end that conversation as politely or sometimes impolitely as possible.

Look for Feet in Stalls don’t just break down the door

Everyone has had an experience in this arena before, it doesn’t matter if you have someone check the door or actually open the stall door for you to still have the same feeling of panic. What can make you pissed about this is that it’s not like you can’t see shoes under the gaps of the stall. Unless you’re a freak or hiding from a mass murderer you feet are going to be on the ground in the stall. It just doesn’t work that way, but because some dork doesn’t take the time to look for shoes you have to have an awkward moment every time someone checks for occupancy in your stall.

The Church of Steve Part 3

2007-11-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

Tomatoes, Pickled Anything and now dried fruit in fact in commandment form:

Thall shalt not dry up fruit and partake thereof

I don’t hate all dried fruit. Actually I really like Banana and Apple chips and Fruit Leather. The Church of Steve is pretty forgiving on a lot of its rules and membership is more of agreement to the majority of the rules. In a situation like this where you have to draw the line is taking a delicious fruit like grapes and you remove the plump juiciness from a grape and you are left with something that can just like pickles sit on a shelf for years, looks like dried up rabbit poo, and doesn’t taste at all like the fruit it came from.

Now raisins are probably acceptable for a good standing in the CoS although I personally don’t like them, I have at times eaten them and enjoyed them. I don’t like when they ruin things like Oatmeal Cookies, Carrot Cake, Rice Pudding, etc. The problem that happens when you combine them with things like that is that they try to regain some of their former grape glory and become soft again. If you ever watched a Zombie film or better yet if you’ve watched or read Pet Cemetery, you know that once something is dead (dried), it doesn’t come back too well when you try to bring it back. When you bring them back what you are left with is a freakishly disgusting mutant raisin that is shriveled yet soft and it sneaks up on you. Once one of these hit your molars and squishes moist raisin guts all over your mouth, the vomit reflex isn’t far behind.

The most disgusting and sure way to lead to excommunication from the CoS is to partake in the bowel regulatory practice of prunes. There are other options for your fiber now a days, so take some Metamucil and be regular. Many Scandinavian friends of the CoS will be going to Hell for a traditional Christmas Prune Soup. This is the only food that while on my mission to Finland I was not willing to eat. I tried it once and nearly yakked. It’s meant to be a dessert but it quickly becomes a bulimic’s best friend because once this hits your taste buds the texture, taste, and smell will do everything a finger or two down your throat provide.

Lobsters

2007-11-19T20:57:00.001-07:00

We all have experiences growing up that have traumatized us in different ways. Some of them we look back on and still feel the horror while others we look back on and think "I can't believe that scared me."

I have an interesting story about Lobsters to share that traumatized me when I was growing up. I think I was around 4 or 5 at the oldest and my dad traveled a lot (He was a pilot). He had just returned home from New England and we were going to have a big dinner. The dinner had a special main course that none of the younger kids knew about....it was simply a surprise.

So Mike and I were taking a bath together (Yes we were young enough to do that and still fit comfortably in the tub). My dad had just returned home when we had got in the tub and he decided to come in and see us. Little did we know he had guests in each hand......Lobsters. They were still alive and pinching or trying to that is. My brother and I had never seen anything like them before and well I don't know about him but I was scared.

So here we are in the tub filled with water when my dad tells us that the Lobsters came from the water and that he would like to make them feel at home by putting them in the tub with us. We didn't like this at all especially when my dad said that if we got to close to the Lobsters they would pinch our weeners off. This wasn't something that I really fancied, and I don't think my brother did either because we screamed loud enough for our mother to save us. I can still remember my dad joking about it later.

The funny thing about this is, yes that traumatized me as a kid, and it wasted a perfectly good slot on the 3 things I didn't have eat list for many years, but now that I'm a dad I think back on those things that traumatized me and laugh. Some of them were pretty funny and although I'm not going to threaten Carter with Lobsters, I'm sure there are things when he grows up that I will have done that he will laugh at when he has kids of his own.

The T.V. Diet

2007-11-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

I think this might be the craziest thing I have ever tried before. I have realized over the past few months that I watch too much television. When it is time to go to bed I will turn on the T.V. and I will channel surf for hours, even if there is nothing on. I don't know why I do it, and it drives me crazy.

The idea occurred to me yesterday when I then thought of all the things I could accomplish if I replaced my T.V. watching. I could finish the books I am reading faster, and I could free more time for writing, which I have been meaning to do for a while now, I have just been too lazy.

So the rules of the diet are thus:

-I will go one month with no T.V.

-Video games can still be played. (I control how much I play xbox extremely better than T.V.)

-Movies can also be watched.

I figure this is a good time to start since we will be on a cruise for one week. I want to try this and see if I can improve the quality of time that is normally spent worshiping the boob tube.

Wish me luck.

My haircut experience

2007-11-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

Ever since I got home from my mission to Brasil I have cut my own hair. I started doing it because I had a really bad haircut right before an important date and the stylist did a terrible job. Ever since I vowed to always cut my hair. The first couple of episodes were pretty terrible but if you do something long enough you eventually get good at it.

So five years later of cutting my own hair I received a free gift certificate for a hair cut at Sport Clips. This was a little over a week ago. The girl is cutting my hair and we are talking about absolutely nothing (I feel awkward if I don't talk to someone cutting my hair.) She then asks "So who cut your hair last?" I know exactly where she is going.

A barber never says, "whoever cut your hair last did a great job." She was asking because it obviously sucked. So then I backed out like a wimp and answered "um, my friends sister cut it." Silence was all that followed. She said nothing and kept cutting for a bit. Then she asked if she was licensed. To which I answered "No she isn't. I was hanging over at their house and we were bored and there was a pair of scissors." I was trying to make a joke but she didn't even smile. I felt like an idiot.

So apparently I suck at cutting my own hair.

James Intro

2007-11-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

I think Steve summarized perfectly how Aaron Richards came about. I was introduced to fantasy by my brother and sister when I was in junior high. They were reading Terry Brooks and could not stop talking about his books. Which at the time were the Sword of Shannara series. Until this time the only books I had ever read were required in school. However, once I picked up the Sword of Shannara, reading became a hobby.

A year or two later my family moved to Lindon where I met Mike and Steve. One of our things we enjoyed were playing board games. I remember they had a game with little lead figures of goblins, and wolves and knights that they painted. Then soon after D&D came into the picture. We were hooked on it. I remember several times we would play all through the night and then long into the next day. I can't quite explain what was so addicting about D&D but a suggestion is that if you know me Mike and Steve one thing we all have in common is a very strong imagination. I think the game exercised our minds to limitless possibilities.

Me and Steve never really got back together until after we returned from our missions and were married. I remember the day that Steve suggested we write together. We were at his sister Chellie's house for some kind of party. I think It was Richards party. The one where I hit the pinata with a bat, it broke completely free of the string holding it and hit the birthday boy square in the face, knocking him on his back... Priceless.

We were in Chellie's basement and I told Steve that I had an idea of a book I was thinking of writing. He then told me of this idea that was roughly based on the stripling warriors. It sounded like it had a lot of potential and he sold me on it. (and you think you can't sell Steve)
That is our first book that we started on. It is actually pretty far along, it just hasn't been transfer ed to paper.

I know eventually we will get something underway and complete. I was actually inspired last week at the BYU game. Not by Goiter boy, but by Steve Burke. He is one of Steve's friends from work that comes with us. As we were driving home he told us that he wrote a fantasy book and sent it to a publisher. I asked him how long it took him to write it and it only took him about six months. If he can do it, I know we can too.

I am excited to post here. I have a good idea about Steve's bathroom rules. It would be very easy to make a quick 20 second commercial for each bathroom rule. I don't know if you can post video clips here, but if not we can link it to Youtube. I can see it being pretty popular.

I will also be creating posts on the following:
-Fitness advice from a fat guy
-My annoying neighbors upstairs
-The mystery of the man crush

A Guy's Guide To Proper Public Bathroom Etiquette Part 1

2007-11-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

Let me start this series of posts off with the statement that I don’t spend more time in the bathroom than the average person. Also, I don’t sit in the bathroom and think of things that annoy me like this. Over time working with larger companies I have noticed a few things that guys do that in my opinion ‘break the rules’ for public bathroom behavior.

Here's an obvious one right out of the gate.

Wash Your Hands.

You wouldn’t believe it, but a lot of guys don’t do this. It’s pretty sad because I would say at least 1/3 of all guys don't do this (At least that I observe). This is probably one of the etiquette rules that I do notice actively. Actually, if you don’t do this my friend at work and I put you on an unwritten list of people that we track. This is the list of people that we do not allow to touch anything we have at work. When we have to let you touch things we then liberally apply GermX to the affected area. Just because you’ve decided to live with the nastiness of not washing doesn’t mean we all have to have your germs.

I think in the spirit of not breaking Rule 2 I’m going to keep these posts to 1 or 2 rules, so I’ll share one more rule and then I’ll save the others for future posts:

Don’t peek over the dividers

Some of these are just simple things that most of us sit there and say “No duh!” Well, this is another one that for whatever reason and it’s not a subtle thing, but guys will look at you while you are peeing in the urinal. I don’t know what type of guy needs to get their kicks from this, but it’s gross. Even if you live a different lifestyle, this is not something that screams sexy to me. This also begs the question….why are dividers in the guy’s restroom only 4 feet high? Oh we have our normal tall Stalls, but for the urinals you’re only getting privacy if you’re 8 years old or a midget. They just beg for guys that are perpetual offenders to break this rule. This makes for one of the most awkward moments in the restroom.

The Church of Steve Part 2

2007-11-12T22:58:00.001-07:00

Thall Shalt Not Pickle

Pickled Beets, Pickled Cucumber Slices (I think they call those Belly Achers), Pickled Herring…..honestly Pickled Herring, think about that for a second. You stick raw fish in a solution that will somehow make it 'OK' to eat. All you’ve done is transformed the fish into a stinky soggy mess that tastes terrible. People eat this stuff. I can understand why people eat foods that are pickled, but pickled fish or any other non vegetable food, is just completely disgusting.

Ok so back to pickles, although I can understand why people like this food, it completely contaminates the other food it touches and that is why I hate pickles. Because I hate them they are officially against the Church of Steve.

Here is another problem with Pickles….there is something wrong with a food that can last forever. I don’t know exactly what the shelf life on them is, but it’s long. I mean that is the whole reason for pickling things, but I think we had one jar of pickles the whole time I was growing up. Then Kenna and I got married and well we have had one jar of pickles for as long as I can remember. I don’t think I’ve heard people eat pickles and say….”Wow these pickles are bad.” No, they can eat pickles out of the jar that have been there for over 25 years.

Case in point last summer at the annual Gordon 4th of July festivities, my grandma brought out Ketchup from her storage. Let me preface the next comments on this post by saying I really love my Grandma and she is amazing. Ok, back to the story, my grandma brought out brown ketchup. This is a bottle of ketchup that had never been opened and it was brown with age. We switched out the ketchup for a normal healthy red version. Here is where I bring back the pickles. A bottle of pickles was brought out from the same storage and probably bought around the same time. Everyone ate the pickles, why because pickles can be older than my Grandma’s first food storage installment (we’re talking pre-war here and I'm not talking about Iraq, Vietnam, or even Korea) and yet somehow they are still good. You could get a pickle caught in your teeth and rediscover it months later when you finally floss and it would still taste the same.

All of this adds up to the second food in hell being pickles. As a pretty combo, I’m pretty sure they can pickle tomatoes.

Who is Aaron Richards?

2007-11-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

So I realize that I haven’t fully explained the Aaron Richards things at all. Why are there two authors to the blog? Where is the other author? Well, the answers to those questions and many more interesting stories will shortly follow.

I know that earlier I said that this would be the True Hollywood Story of Aaron Richards, but as I tried to write the story, I realized that there is nothing really extremely interesting about my late teenage years like the usual THS stuff that E reports (Addiction to drugs, dealing with exorbitant amounts of money at a young age because of fame, etc..). Actually, there are a lot of funny things to reminisce about, but the story of Aaron Richards is pretty simple. Let me just lay out the background information:

James and Mike were really good friends from Junior High on.
Mike and Steve (me) have been brothers since birth (I realize that’s obvious, but you never know, some readers may need clarification) oh and we’re only a year and week apart in age not that that’s anything special, but it meant we shared friends growing up. It was a package deal, if you got one you got the other...although I think I probably spent more time with Mike’s Friends than he spent with mine. I’m trying to decide if that was because my friends and I were older and we didn’t want Mike to tag along or if Mike thought he was too cool for us (obviously he’s not, cuz I’m awesome). Since this is my blog and Mike doesn’t know about it yet, I’m going to let you all assume that it was because Mike was an elitist who thought he was too cool for us and I was more grounded (and did I mention awesome/humble) and would hang out with the younger crowd. Ok, more needed information:

James married Natasha in June 2002
Steve married Kenna in May 2002 and since the weddings were happening all around the same time and Steve and James were friends, the wives got to know each other and became friends….which makes the two couples married friends and that means life friends. Our first sons will be in the same grade…..can you say double-family vacations!!!!

So now that the background is set, James and I currently like to create things (clarification for Kenna, I said create, not finish). One of our passions is writing. James is an excellent writer, as you’ll see when I actually get around to giving him a login to this site. And I am great at coming up with stories. Somehow I dream these elaborate stories. I remember dreams like they are movies and if I had a good one I write it down and James and I bounce it around until it becomes something really cool and worth writing. Because our names are just not exciting we write under the pen name Aaron Richards which is James and my middle names, respectively.

What can you look forward to from Aaron Richards if James and I ever finish a project? We have a few book series that we are working on….One that is an Epic Fantasy type series trilogy which is the furthest along project. We also have a Ghost Hunter type series that we are working on. Aaron Richards also writes screen plays.

I’ve messed with Rule 2 again and that’s 3 straight posts that I’ve had to break it. Hopefully I get better.

The Church of Steve Part 1

2007-11-03T08:26:00.000-06:00

The Beginning

Let me just start this off with a little background, as long as I can remember back when I was a young boy I was able to create a list of 3 foods that I didn’t have to eat if they were made for family meals. Rather than forcing me to eat food I didn’t want to eat, my mom would say. “Is this on your list?” The list was something that she would write down by our fridge and it couldn’t be updated on a whim because when it was first instigated if I saw my mom making meatloaf and I didn’t want to eat meatloaf I’d update the list to say meatloaf and voila I got to eat something else while the family had disgusting meatloaf (just a side note, I absolutely love meatloaf now….in fact I could eat it every day. It’s funny how tastes change). Ok, back to the story…..the list had a waiting period on it. I can’t remember how long it was, but we’ll just say it was 24 hours after an update to the list I still had to eat a recently added food. Why was this list so important, well because if you didn’t have something on the list, then you had to eat it without complaint.

Now that I’ve got the background set, let me tell you about the most disgusting food memory I have ever had to eat in my life. I can’t remember the exact types of food that I had on the list besides the old standbys of meatloaf, lobster…that's a different story entirely, and maybe a few other very specific things, but they were always very specific things that we had for dinner at one time in my brief life. It wasn’t until my mom made Baked Tomatoes stuffed with Tuna Fish that I really started to hate entire groups of food.

So Tomatoes baked and then stuffed with Tuna Fish….if you think that sounds good you need to get examined….in fact I asked my mother about this tragic moment in my life and she even said it sounded gross, but back then I guess it must have been an experiment. Basically, the tomatoes became really soft in the oven and then you would add tuna fish to them after you empty out the insides. What you have left is a mushy pile of goo that didn’t mesh with Steve’s Palate.

From that day on, I had Tomatoes and I’m pretty sure Tuna Fish for a little whileon the list. Tuna Fish eventually got pardoned as it was not the main offender in the dish, but Tomatoes have never been the same since. I can eat things made with Tomatoes ie Ketchup, Tomato Sauce, Salsa, etc., but I rarely eat tomatoes because the squishy insides still remind me of that soggy dinner I had to eat.

Once again I’m breaking rule 2 of the blogging rules setup only two days ago…..I think that rule 2 and I are going to have a lot of problems in the future. I will continue this history of the Church of Steve on upcoming posts, but Commandment numero UNO in the church of Steve is:

Thall Shalt Not Partake of Non Processed Tomatoes!!

I’m pretty sure I envision one of the foods they serve in Hell as baked tomatoes, and everything is made with the mushy seedy guts of tomatoes.

More rules to come.....but if you don't like Tomatoes, you should seriously consider membership in the Church of Steve

Blogging More Frequently

2007-11-01T23:47:00.000-06:00

So, I had to rip the computer away from Kenna to be able to post once in 3 months. Hope is on the way for the blog though in the way of a work laptop. This means that I can have a computer to do my stuff with at home while Kenna monopolizes our current laptop (She currently has all the Yellow and Green Properties). I don't mind at all that Kenna does use the laptop, however I do feel bad for you faithful readers (I know you're still there....right?). The reason I don't mind Kenna having the laptop is that she actually does productive things with it. Unlike when I have it, I play games, read useless sites, and then I usually end up sitting there wondering what in the heck I should look for on the Internet until Kenna asks for the laptop.

Anywho (Time to get to the point).... From here on out I'm going to try to keep to some rules for the blog:

1. Post at least once a week. (Hopefully more, but once a week is practical)
2. Shorten the posts (Did you read my previous two posts???? I know I'm awesome....I think Guinness called about them)
3. Actually invite the other half of Aaron Richards to post on the blog I created for the two of us...James that would be you.

Here are some ideas for future posts.....if anyone still reads this let me know which ones you would like to read about first.

The Church of Steve (It's a dietary thing, and we have a lot of followers....you may be one and you just haven't pledged allegiance to the flag....ummm I mean church)
The guy's guide to proper public bathroom behavior (Just some simple rules every dude needs to live by)
Why Aaron Richards? What's that all about? (True Hollywood Story Style)

I know what you're saying......"How do I pick just One?" Well don't worry we'll get to all 3 and many more on this fantastical journey that is the Aaron Richards blog. (Note to my son Carter in the distant future: I'm sorry that your dad is a total nerd, hopefully I get better, although that all hinges on your ability to play Cornerback. (Note to myself at the same time in the future: I was freaking cool back then....uh I guess I mean now....whatever))

This post is already breaking rule 2 of the aforementioned rules for the blog, so I've got to go....Thanks for reading.

P.S. If you can't tell I really like to use parentheses (I like to call them brackets).....maybe it's because all these years brackets have been brainwashing me with the fact that when put together they look like the shape of a football ().....very tricky brackets, touche indeed

What's up with this Tagging stuff

2007-07-05T21:33:00.000-06:00

I don't understand Internet code.....I don't understand geek code. Why does tagging mean I'm supposed to respond back. Because Kenna has been bugging me about the fact that she 'tagged' me I'll respond to the questions, but I'm not going to tag anyone.
______________________________

Remove the blog from the top, move all the blogs up one, and add yourself to the bottom.

Novembrance
The Lyon's Tale
Sundial in the Shade
Inksplasher
ShrekLovesFiona
Aaronrichards

What were you doing ten years ago?
10 years ago I was learning Finnish in the MTC....that is scary that it was that long ago. I wasn't 19 yet, but I got to go early to the MTC because I planned on playing football in college after my mission and the church allowed me to go early enough so that I would turn 19 in the MTC, so I got to have my first day as May 28th, 1997. I've heard now that they keep Finnish Missionaries 3 months in the MTC, but I got the usual 2 months that most foreign speaking missionaries get.

What were you doing one year ago?
I was giving notice to Dentrix to leave for AdvancedMD. Although there have been bumps and I can't say that I have enjoyed every single day at AdvancedMD, the company is great. I work a lot more than than I ever had to at Dentrix, but I like the company.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Ice Cream...I don't eat too much of it anymore, but I love Farr's Starlight Mint, and when I can get it from BYU Creamery, their Root beer is to die for.
2. Olives and a can of Chicken....with Miracle Whip it's a tasty treat
3. Chili.....for breakfast, lunch, and dinner
4. Zoom, Cream of Wheat, and Oatmeal.....for breakfast, lunch and dinner (I have a simple palate)
5. Caramel Popcorn....I'm going to pass the Gordon family recipe to Carter.

Five songs you know all the lyrics to:
I'm changing this because I love to learn lyrics....I don't listen to songs because they sound good, I mean that is what gets me interested at first, but I can usually pick out and sing the chorus to songs on the radio the first time I listen to them and from there I just learn the lyrics. So I'm going to list the groups of which I know most songs lyrics (Every band has a few sucky songs and I don't care to listen or learn those)

1. Collective Soul
2. Peter Breinholt
3. Edwin McCain
4. Lifehouse
5. Switchfoot

Things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Ok, I'm clarifying and changing every question....hopefully UB works and Kenna and I can be millionaires, but if not then I'm going to win the lottery, and this is why you want me to win it:

1. Everyone I'm friends with would be rich too. (It's no fun being the only rich person you know, so if I won the lottery then family and friends would all share the wealth.)
2. Two Words: Gordon Villas!!! If you can't live near everyone you care about then what is the point of having a big nice house, so everyone I know that would be included on the list of recipients of number 1 would all get houses as part of the deal.
3. Free Benefits and college. The family and friends would all receive health and dental care as well as life insurance, and then every child would be able to pull from a scholarship fund to pay for 4 years of college.
4. Amenities!!! Gordon Villas is going to have some sweet stuff, like a community pool and clubhouse....when I win I'm open to suggestions as to what else to include.
5. Ok so this one is a little selfish, but if I were rich, I'd pay James write books with me, because we can never seem to find the time to write.

Five bad habits:
1. Spending too much time playing games
2. Being lazy at home (by the time I get home from work, I don't feel like doing much....plus most of the time I have to work more from home anyway.)
3. Dieting or the lack thereof
4. Working out....see #3
5. Staying up too late

Five things you like to do:
1. Video Games (At least I recognize it's sometimes a bad habit)
2. Write (In any form...books, stories, even this blog)
3. Listening to music....especially in the car cuz I've got mad skillz at car dancing
4. Reading
5. Sports (Watching, playing, dreaming about Carter playing them someday)

Things you will never wear again:
Ok, here's the thing with this one....there are a lot of things that I thought were 'cool' until the day I got married. Then I was informed that those articles of clothing are not appropriate for civilized society. So whether I like it or not here is what I will never wear again....some I totally agree with now....I was a nerd

1. Tucked in shirts.....This was rule #1 of my instruction from Kenna....things tucked in are not cool unless you're wearing a dress shirt and then only when you are wearing dress pants. As we were dating anytime Kenna saw me wear a tucked in shirt it was promptly untucked by her. It got to be so frequent that if I forgot my friends would do it for me if they noticed I had forgotten.
2. Black Belts with Brown shoes and visa versa. I knew this, but I didn't think it was like a cardinal rule for even casual wear.
3. Braided Belts....never again will you see a really long braided belt that is cinched into itself.
4. Navy and Black are great, but not together
5. Christmas socks that say 'Ho Ho Ho' to church in July. What can I say I love those socks, and one day they mysteriously disappeared.

Five favorite toys:
1. Xbox 360....NCAA 2008 comes out in 11 days!!!!
2. Does Carter count....I know I should have him listed #1 here, but I guess he's not really a toy....you know what the ultimate toy is??? Carter and I playing NCAA 2012.
3. Laptop....I've never surfed the internet so much and hey I'm actually blogging...I just hate how small the keyboard is.
4. The Mazda 3....I never thought I would like the small car as much as I do, but when I drive our Tribute it makes me miss the 3.
5. My Ipod....I don't get to use it so much, but when I'm working out it keeps me going.

Where will I be in ten years?
Enjoying my lottery winnings with all of my friends and family.....and maybe realistically done with college and either writing a book or programming (My goal is to finish college before Carter....although I'm sure he'd dig his pop in the same classes with him....I can be his wingman for picking up the ladies and he'd love that...j/k)

Five people to tag:
I'm not continuing this....if you want to answer these questions then I promise that if you tag 97 people that at the stroke of 11:52 PM that same night you can make a wish and it will come true. It works, cuz I got an email one day and I did that and that's how I know I'm winning the lottery someday, I just have to drive to Idaho to buy tickets.

Summer Reading Whatchamathing!!

2007-06-25T19:17:00.000-06:00

Okay, so everyone posts a "Welcome to my new blog" post on their new blog. I'm not going to give into that rubbish so I'll start with one of my reasons for actually having this blog....wife pressure. Kenna has been on my butt for several years about starting a blog and joining the geek nation. Also, she is trying to win some competition for new members on Karlene's Summer Read-a-thon. She's standing over my shoulder while I'm typing this trying to correct me on things like "It's supposed to be the Summer Reading Thing." It's my blog... I can call it whatever I want right?

To be honest with you, since Carter came into our life I haven't had much reading time.....and if Carter isn't taking my time, then WoW is doing a good job of it as Kenna can attest, although she is asleep for most of it. Yes, I have succumbed to the world of online gaming. I never thought I would get hooked on a non-sports game, but World of Warcraft is pretty fun. Its days are numbered as I refuse to pay on an ongoing basis for a game and therefore this phase in my life will end July 11th, when the free trial expires.

Once that ends, I should have more time to devote to reading and other productive things in life that don't involve staring at a computer screen into the late hours of the night (As if staring at a computer was something I didn't already do for 8+ hours at work). I'll keep this reading list short as I really think 5 books would be tough enough to read even pre-Carter, so without further ado here is my Summer Reading List:

Rainbow Six by Tom Clancy
This makes this list because I've been reading it since April and I only have 100 pages left. I'll write a review on it sometime.

The Hunt For Red October by Tom Clancy
I know you're supposed to read different types of books in this Reading thing, but I have always wanted to see how bad the movies screwed up the book's storyline. Also, nothing will keep me entertained reading this book like trying to imagine Sean Connery's horrible Scottish-Russian accent every time Captain Rameus has a line in the book. (Okay so I'm easily entertained)

1776 by David McCullough
Last Christmas, both Karlene (mother in law) and Kenna asked if I wanted this book and I hadn't heard anything about it so they got me something else. Well, I've heard about it now and I would like to add it to my official birthday wish list. (Who says I'm hard to buy things for? Read my blog...duh?.....j/k)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
I'll probably forget life for a few days and read this book during every waking minute when it comes out. If anything to just know how things end and have the whole series over with.

Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
Kenna and I wanted to go through this book together at one time and see if we could help improve the things in life that we didn't like. Well that was a while ago and wouldn't you know it, there are still things in life I'd like to improve upon, maybe if I finally read this book it will help me realize where I would like to take my path in life.

There you have it....5 books that I can realistically have read by the end of summer, and only 1 of them is a Fantasy/Sci Fi book which will make Kenna proud for stepping out of my normal reading genre.

Now comes the hard part of blogging....updating your blog with some regularity. We'll see how that goes.....if only you could write your blog and play WoW at the same time......hmmm