I love resolutions

I thought it might be fum to make a logo with us in it. Tell me what you think. We can always update the pics, since you didn't even know what I was taking your picture for. But I thought it would be a cool idea.

Now to resolutions. I think it is healthy to have resolutions for each new year. Every year I have resolutions for different categories, such as; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, etc. So here is my physical list for 2008.

As always I want to loose weight. I think I can loose weight pretty easily but i always get discouraged when the weight doesn't come off as fast as I want it to. So this year I am gearing for a very slow but steady weight loss by using the following methods.
-Go to the gym for one hour, three times a week.
-I can eat sweets, but only one day in any given week. the other six are off limits.
-No drinking soda-pop in 2008. Although this one will be difficult I believe that it can be done. Steve told me the other day that he would join me on the soda-pop free 2008!
My ultimate goal is to weigh 200 pounds at the end of the year. I honestly believe that if I go to the gym 3 times a week, cut down on my sugar intake, and eliminate soda from my diet that loosing one pound a week is very achieveable.
Wish me luck, and good luck to everyone and their own resolutions.

T.V. diet results

Resisting the glow of electronic satisfaction and fulfillment was not easy. Diets in any form are difficult, but I am proud to say that I only had a few minor set backs. It is amazing what you can do with yourself when you free time from something that isn't necessary and replace it with something more meaningful.

I think the change that I noticed most was how quiet everything is when you aren't watching T.V. late into the night. Another positive thing is that I was able to read five books during the diet.

It is fulfilling when you can read one book after another. It makes me feel powerful when I finish a book. I feel like the Highlander, who, when cuts off his enemies head he absorbs all their power, wisdom and knowledge. They are as a walking librarian with infinite knowledge and a sword that can lop off heads.

So in true Highlander fashion, every time I finish a book I retreat to the Lindon Amphitheater at midnight. There, I remove the clothes that I was wearing when I finished the book, and I burn them with the book that I finished. Thus completing my transfer of knowledge.

A Guys Guide to Proper Public Bathroom Behavior Part II

No Talking

Nothing is more irritating than a long conversation in the bathroom, plus there is something innately wrong with talking to someone while you are holding your private parts. (Can you say disgusting?) While carousing through your bathroom trip you may however say hello to someone, or you can give them the head wave, which is where two guys that don’t have to know each other can just nod their heads and salute each other to our dudeness. Anything beyond Hello or the initial acknowledgement of your presence is unacceptable. I don’t care if you are asked a question by the CEO of your company (if at work) or a famous person (hopefully it’s not a senator from Idaho), your goal is to end that conversation as politely or sometimes impolitely as possible.

Look for Feet in Stalls don’t just break down the door

Everyone has had an experience in this arena before, it doesn’t matter if you have someone check the door or actually open the stall door for you to still have the same feeling of panic. What can make you pissed about this is that it’s not like you can’t see shoes under the gaps of the stall. Unless you’re a freak or hiding from a mass murderer you feet are going to be on the ground in the stall. It just doesn’t work that way, but because some dork doesn’t take the time to look for shoes you have to have an awkward moment every time someone checks for occupancy in your stall.

The Church of Steve Part 3

Tomatoes, Pickled Anything and now dried fruit in fact in commandment form:

Thall shalt not dry up fruit and partake thereof

I don’t hate all dried fruit. Actually I really like Banana and Apple chips and Fruit Leather. The Church of Steve is pretty forgiving on a lot of its rules and membership is more of agreement to the majority of the rules. In a situation like this where you have to draw the line is taking a delicious fruit like grapes and you remove the plump juiciness from a grape and you are left with something that can just like pickles sit on a shelf for years, looks like dried up rabbit poo, and doesn’t taste at all like the fruit it came from.

Now raisins are probably acceptable for a good standing in the CoS although I personally don’t like them, I have at times eaten them and enjoyed them. I don’t like when they ruin things like Oatmeal Cookies, Carrot Cake, Rice Pudding, etc. The problem that happens when you combine them with things like that is that they try to regain some of their former grape glory and become soft again. If you ever watched a Zombie film or better yet if you’ve watched or read Pet Cemetery, you know that once something is dead (dried), it doesn’t come back too well when you try to bring it back. When you bring them back what you are left with is a freakishly disgusting mutant raisin that is shriveled yet soft and it sneaks up on you. Once one of these hit your molars and squishes moist raisin guts all over your mouth, the vomit reflex isn’t far behind.

The most disgusting and sure way to lead to excommunication from the CoS is to partake in the bowel regulatory practice of prunes. There are other options for your fiber now a days, so take some Metamucil and be regular. Many Scandinavian friends of the CoS will be going to Hell for a traditional Christmas Prune Soup. This is the only food that while on my mission to Finland I was not willing to eat. I tried it once and nearly yakked. It’s meant to be a dessert but it quickly becomes a bulimic’s best friend because once this hits your taste buds the texture, taste, and smell will do everything a finger or two down your throat provide.

Lobsters

We all have experiences growing up that have traumatized us in different ways. Some of them we look back on and still feel the horror while others we look back on and think "I can't believe that scared me."

I have an interesting story about Lobsters to share that traumatized me when I was growing up. I think I was around 4 or 5 at the oldest and my dad traveled a lot (He was a pilot). He had just returned home from New England and we were going to have a big dinner. The dinner had a special main course that none of the younger kids knew about....it was simply a surprise.

So Mike and I were taking a bath together (Yes we were young enough to do that and still fit comfortably in the tub). My dad had just returned home when we had got in the tub and he decided to come in and see us. Little did we know he had guests in each hand......Lobsters. They were still alive and pinching or trying to that is. My brother and I had never seen anything like them before and well I don't know about him but I was scared.

So here we are in the tub filled with water when my dad tells us that the Lobsters came from the water and that he would like to make them feel at home by putting them in the tub with us. We didn't like this at all especially when my dad said that if we got to close to the Lobsters they would pinch our weeners off. This wasn't something that I really fancied, and I don't think my brother did either because we screamed loud enough for our mother to save us. I can still remember my dad joking about it later.

The funny thing about this is, yes that traumatized me as a kid, and it wasted a perfectly good slot on the 3 things I didn't have eat list for many years, but now that I'm a dad I think back on those things that traumatized me and laugh. Some of them were pretty funny and although I'm not going to threaten Carter with Lobsters, I'm sure there are things when he grows up that I will have done that he will laugh at when he has kids of his own.

The T.V. Diet

I think this might be the craziest thing I have ever tried before. I have realized over the past few months that I watch too much television. When it is time to go to bed I will turn on the T.V. and I will channel surf for hours, even if there is nothing on. I don't know why I do it, and it drives me crazy.

The idea occurred to me yesterday when I then thought of all the things I could accomplish if I replaced my T.V. watching. I could finish the books I am reading faster, and I could free more time for writing, which I have been meaning to do for a while now, I have just been too lazy.

So the rules of the diet are thus:

-I will go one month with no T.V.

-Video games can still be played. (I control how much I play xbox extremely better than T.V.)

-Movies can also be watched.

I figure this is a good time to start since we will be on a cruise for one week. I want to try this and see if I can improve the quality of time that is normally spent worshiping the boob tube.

Wish me luck.

My haircut experience

Ever since I got home from my mission to Brasil I have cut my own hair. I started doing it because I had a really bad haircut right before an important date and the stylist did a terrible job. Ever since I vowed to always cut my hair. The first couple of episodes were pretty terrible but if you do something long enough you eventually get good at it.

So five years later of cutting my own hair I received a free gift certificate for a hair cut at Sport Clips. This was a little over a week ago. The girl is cutting my hair and we are talking about absolutely nothing (I feel awkward if I don't talk to someone cutting my hair.) She then asks "So who cut your hair last?" I know exactly where she is going.

A barber never says, "whoever cut your hair last did a great job." She was asking because it obviously sucked. So then I backed out like a wimp and answered "um, my friends sister cut it." Silence was all that followed. She said nothing and kept cutting for a bit. Then she asked if she was licensed. To which I answered "No she isn't. I was hanging over at their house and we were bored and there was a pair of scissors." I was trying to make a joke but she didn't even smile. I felt like an idiot.

So apparently I suck at cutting my own hair.