The Church of Steve Part 2

Thall Shalt Not Pickle

Pickled Beets, Pickled Cucumber Slices (I think they call those Belly Achers), Pickled Herring…..honestly Pickled Herring, think about that for a second. You stick raw fish in a solution that will somehow make it 'OK' to eat. All you’ve done is transformed the fish into a stinky soggy mess that tastes terrible. People eat this stuff. I can understand why people eat foods that are pickled, but pickled fish or any other non vegetable food, is just completely disgusting.

Ok so back to pickles, although I can understand why people like this food, it completely contaminates the other food it touches and that is why I hate pickles. Because I hate them they are officially against the Church of Steve.

Here is another problem with Pickles….there is something wrong with a food that can last forever. I don’t know exactly what the shelf life on them is, but it’s long. I mean that is the whole reason for pickling things, but I think we had one jar of pickles the whole time I was growing up. Then Kenna and I got married and well we have had one jar of pickles for as long as I can remember. I don’t think I’ve heard people eat pickles and say….”Wow these pickles are bad.” No, they can eat pickles out of the jar that have been there for over 25 years.

Case in point last summer at the annual Gordon 4th of July festivities, my grandma brought out Ketchup from her storage. Let me preface the next comments on this post by saying I really love my Grandma and she is amazing. Ok, back to the story, my grandma brought out brown ketchup. This is a bottle of ketchup that had never been opened and it was brown with age. We switched out the ketchup for a normal healthy red version. Here is where I bring back the pickles. A bottle of pickles was brought out from the same storage and probably bought around the same time. Everyone ate the pickles, why because pickles can be older than my Grandma’s first food storage installment (we’re talking pre-war here and I'm not talking about Iraq, Vietnam, or even Korea) and yet somehow they are still good. You could get a pickle caught in your teeth and rediscover it months later when you finally floss and it would still taste the same.

All of this adds up to the second food in hell being pickles. As a pretty combo, I’m pretty sure they can pickle tomatoes.