T.V. diet results

Resisting the glow of electronic satisfaction and fulfillment was not easy. Diets in any form are difficult, but I am proud to say that I only had a few minor set backs. It is amazing what you can do with yourself when you free time from something that isn't necessary and replace it with something more meaningful.

I think the change that I noticed most was how quiet everything is when you aren't watching T.V. late into the night. Another positive thing is that I was able to read five books during the diet.

It is fulfilling when you can read one book after another. It makes me feel powerful when I finish a book. I feel like the Highlander, who, when cuts off his enemies head he absorbs all their power, wisdom and knowledge. They are as a walking librarian with infinite knowledge and a sword that can lop off heads.

So in true Highlander fashion, every time I finish a book I retreat to the Lindon Amphitheater at midnight. There, I remove the clothes that I was wearing when I finished the book, and I burn them with the book that I finished. Thus completing my transfer of knowledge.

A Guys Guide to Proper Public Bathroom Behavior Part II

No Talking

Nothing is more irritating than a long conversation in the bathroom, plus there is something innately wrong with talking to someone while you are holding your private parts. (Can you say disgusting?) While carousing through your bathroom trip you may however say hello to someone, or you can give them the head wave, which is where two guys that don’t have to know each other can just nod their heads and salute each other to our dudeness. Anything beyond Hello or the initial acknowledgement of your presence is unacceptable. I don’t care if you are asked a question by the CEO of your company (if at work) or a famous person (hopefully it’s not a senator from Idaho), your goal is to end that conversation as politely or sometimes impolitely as possible.

Look for Feet in Stalls don’t just break down the door

Everyone has had an experience in this arena before, it doesn’t matter if you have someone check the door or actually open the stall door for you to still have the same feeling of panic. What can make you pissed about this is that it’s not like you can’t see shoes under the gaps of the stall. Unless you’re a freak or hiding from a mass murderer you feet are going to be on the ground in the stall. It just doesn’t work that way, but because some dork doesn’t take the time to look for shoes you have to have an awkward moment every time someone checks for occupancy in your stall.