Awesomely Bad Movies

So the other day, Kenna and I are sitting in bed watching TV and when I'm scrolling through the Guide I see Big Trouble In Little China. Having not seen this movie since my early teenage years I was curious to see if this movie was still as cool as I remembered it being.


Here's what I learned.....This movie sucks! I remember that I used to watch this movie over and over when I was younger. That was partly because it was one of the few movies that my Dad had taped from being on Alert up at the Air Force Base....so it was an unedited PG-13 movie, but mostly I loved all the fighting in it. I just can't believe that I even enjoyed it and one has to wonder, how a movie like this got made....cuz it's kind of serious in the way it tries to be a cool movie. I'm going to try and imagine the room of writers and producers that dreamt this up.


(Deep inside the secret rooms of 20th Century Fox)

"So People...we need to come up with something big here. What have we go so far?"
"Well, Karate Kid was a big success....maybe we could go with something that has Martial Arts."
"Ok, I like that idea, but we can't just rip it off, I mean the Karate Kid franchise is going to do that like 3 more times." (Side Note: On my 8th Birthday, my family and I waited for like 2 hours in line to see Karate Kid 2. The only thing I remember about that movie now.....It's the movie that broke up the band Chicago or so I thought...I just wikipedia'ed it and found out that the song Glory of Love didn't really cause the riff. Thank you Wikipedia.)
"What if we added some Monsters with the Karate?"
"Oooo, that's good....I bet we could get John Carpenter to direct this thing if we did that, who would we get to star in it?"
"I've got a friend who knows Kurt Russell?"
"Yes...Yes...Yes!!! But wait Kurt doesn't know Karate?"
"Well what if he doesn't have to....we could have him be let's say....a truck driver?"
"Ok, so what does a Truck driver have to do with Karate and Monsters?"
"Well he could be driving his truck through China Town."
"Genius!!! I like where this is going. So what's he drawn to when he gets to China town?"
"Someone hot of course"
"And that someone hot would be???"
"What about that hot girl from Porkys?"
"Kim Cattrall, She is pretty hot, and I don't think she's really doing anything good for the next couple of years until Mannequin. (Okay so they wouldn't know this or the fact that Karate Kid remade the same dumb plot 3 more times.....Hillary Swank....you're lucky you survived the Karate Kid 4 movie...that should have been a kiss of death on anyone's career. That goes for you too Elizabeth Shue. The Mannequin comment was just to give you a preview of another film we will talk about on Awesomely Bad Movies....In fact we could dialog a lot of Kim Cattrall Movies in this segment see next line for another example)
"She was just in Police Academy so right now she'd take anything."
"OK, Russell, Catrall, Monsters, and Karate. I think we've got enough to work with here, but let's throw something out there to chance....What do the bad guys want?"
"Let's play our own version of MASH for it. What are 4 powerful things, 4 body parts, 4 things that would make you wealthy and give me 4 girlfriends you'd like to have....ummm scratch that last part."
"Looks like the MASH decided it was eyes....that doesn't sound to good, so how can we make this better?"
"What if they were looking for a girl with Green eyes?"
"Wow you're asking for a lot there, I mean the casting agency going to have work overtime to find a girl on this planet with green eyes."
"That's why the bad guys would want it."
"Wait! Doesn't Cattrall have green eyes?"
"Yes, I think she does, but what if it's someone else they want and Cattrall gets dragged along with the plot."
"That's perfect, now for the Title......What about Trouble in Little Chinatown?"
"Don't we want this movie to be huge blockbuster?"
"Yes, so what would you change?"
"Well let's imply that it's a Huge Trouble or maybe Big Trouble."
"Yes, I like that better and I think Big works better than Huge."
"Great, we'll start on the script."
"Excellent! This is going to be Huge....oh I mean Big. HAHAHAHA!!"
"Good one HAHAHAHA"


One has to wonder if this really isn't the way some movies get created. Anyway more to Awesomely Bad Movies to follow.



Carter moment of the day: Yesterday Kenna and I were cooking dinner and we'd set Carter down to roam around and play with toys. (He doesn't know how to climb the stairs yet, so we're pretty safe not keeping constant attention on him if our house is clean) So Carter starts giggling at something and we realize he's in the bathroom, and we wonder what he's getting into so I walk over and check. My son is standing in front of the toilet trying to climb over into the bowl. I'm thinking that since he loves baths (like, a lot) that he just wanted to climb in and have a nice soak. Needless to say we gave him a good scrubbing after that incident. Kids Rule!!

So the work laptop finally arrived Yay!!! Well actually it arrived about 3 months ago, I just sucked and didn't post for a while. Hey I've been busy. I mean there were all those great reality TV shows with the writer's strike and stuff. Plus, I was playing a lot of Xbox Live...oh wait my account ended like 2 months ago. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just sucked, and I know it's Blog Taboo to say why you haven't blogged for a while, but I don't care.

Obviously, with all the time that's passed, things have happened in my life. Heck Carter is now almost a year old. That is weird to me that we've had him for that long. Life has definitely changed, for the better, but I'm not sure that I could have really expected the extent that it changed. Life has slowed down and yet it's crazy how fast things are going. It seems like we waited forever for firsts in Carter's life like crawling, his first words (first word was Dada.....YES!!!!), his personality coming out. The next big thing we're waiting on is walking.

Work has gotten better for me. I'm in a new position now where I get to work on projects in all sizes and varieties. It's pretty fun and I'm learning a lot.

So hopefully I'm going to get the opportunity to post more frequently...because I'm running out of excuses for not posting....and I know you're all dying for more Church of Steve and Bathroom etiquette.

I'm going to start a favorite Carter moment in my posts. I'll try to make it something funny, but it may end up being something that is just cute that I wanted to let everyone know about.

More posts to follow.....hopefully.